In the chorus it said,
" 这感觉已经不对, 我努力在挽回.
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给, 你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微.
在妥协是我忽略, 你不过要人陪. "
I feel sad that when 2 people get together, there's supposed to be compromising, understanding, communication and interaction.
I feel sad that no matter how many times i told him before there's no interaction nor communication, it's hard to continue, he still doesn't do anything.
I feel sad that he didn't try harder.
After 4 years with him, there's definitely memories he left behind.
How We Knew Each Other:
We knew each other as poly friends. We were buddies in fact.
We used to cab to school together, or take bus. But we didn't hang out after school as i always return home. (I used to be such a nerd!)
Slowly as we went to year 2, he saw me going through my 2nd break up. He kept saying things like i was the most special girl he ever saw. I felt so unique in his eyes. I felt so rare to him.
Where's this feeling now?
He got his car. My mum used to gave him "pocket money" because he sends me to school as friends. I always felt happy waiting for him to pick me up even just as friends.
We could tease each other, poke fun at each other. It really made school much easier to pass.
The Get-Together:
Before we even got together, he wanted to give up on me.
He thought i was still not over my past relationship.
Before we even got together, we quarreled.
In a way, that was how we got together. He brought me to East Coast Park and he held my hand.
He said he would never ever make me cry. He said he would hold my hand and walk down this path together. He said i was the only who he could really talk freely, openly and be himself without wearing any masks.
I guess, he took me for granted too many times.
There were many good times. He took me to the airport for meals. To the zoo. To marina bay, the old steamboat areas. We would fly kites there. We would just lie on the grass and just admire the sunset.
He surprised me on my 1st birthday together.
He actually took a bus carrying a huge-ass Tasmania Devil toy. And surprised me at my doorstep the moment it struck 12mn.
He took a bus to show his sincerity by not driving.
We kept our relationship a secret in school. To keep everyone guessing.
Every week we would go for movies.
He's the only one i watched so many freaking movies with before.
When he was working at Cabana at East Coast, i would wait alone at a bench, use his laptop, do my drawings, or read my book from evening till night just to wait for him to knock off.
We always check out new places together. Like Marina Square when it just opened.
It has pretty lights from the 2nd storey.
He dislike taking photos with me, but through the years, he tried to change for me.
His Army Life:
I would have stayed with him from the day he booked into camp till he completed his NS life but alas, he made me broke up with him months before his ORD.
He didn't meet me or called for a week, even though he was having his block leave at home.
Things strained between us, i felt like he just wanted to be with his NS friends, friends, and everyone else except me.
It was a major broke up, but we ended back together again.
How It Finally Ended Now:
I guess as i grew up, he did too, but we just had different opinions and way of seeing things.
Again, it's the priorities issues.
He's not a cheater.
He's not a player.
BUT, he's not a lover.
He's truly a good guy, good looks and potential for this great guy.
But one day i just felt this strong feeling so strongly.
He can never take care of me.
He can take care of himself, his family, his friends.
But he can never take care of me.
I can't even find him. Haa!
I know it's not easy to find someone whom u can get along with for years, or maybe for life.
It's not easy to find someone that can accommodate you or to accept who you are.
But still, i chose to gave him up.
Because, he can never take care of me.
I felt like i received God's Grace, an intuition told me that next time when i really need him, he's always never there for me.
He definitely taught me alot of things.
I feel sad, i feel that maybe if he had tried harder, we could have work out.
But im glad, that it's over already now.
I'm done with all the crying, the heartbreaks, the waiting party, the losing end and the weekly quarrels.
I sincerely wish him all the best in life, and i hope he'll find a better one than me.
I'm really glad it's finally a closure chapter of my life.
:)
May the memories burn.
